So wrong

This is probably gonna be a really loooooooooong post but yeah.

Poly life wasn't all great for me, the first 2 years were basically crap. Okay I did have my share of happiness but I guess it didn't last very long LOL. All the drama and nonsense that people can come up with, too much of it I swear, and what makes it worse? Not having really really close friends and having to change classes every damn semester :')

I mean, Poly life hasn't been all good from the start, I was basically left with N O T H I N G as I entered Year 3. Well, maybe just Sabrina who's been the only one I've been talking 24/7 to and with. Like I'm so thankful for her existence?! I don't even know how we started talking but I'm so glad we did and still are. But sadly we could no longer be going to the same class and what not. BUT HEY, WE ARE STILL GOING STRONG HAHAHA. But damn it though, internship for 6 months.. D: So yes, I wasn't quite looking forward to year 3, meeting new people, working with new people and all that drama that I'll have to go through every semester, like damn it, I knew no one I was going to be classmates with. LOL. I basically expected nothing from year 3, just another semester attending tutorials and only meeting/ talking to your group mates there and then, and its goodbye. 

BUT BUT BUT, the reality was... Yeah I had to form groups with people I've never worked with before and there were actually some dilemmas as to working with SOME people because of rumours and all that shit, but its not like I really cared about it???? But when I realised I had to work on an external project with people I've never worked with, as well as a known "asshole", I legit told myself, FML WIN LIAO LO, ANOTHER SEM OF SHIT. BUT I SWEAR, I WAS PROVED SO DAMN WRONG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Year 3 has been so much more than just fun, it has been a fulfilling, crazy, busy and I don't even know how to describe it but, IT. HAS. BEEN. GREAT. REALLY. AWESOME. Even though we were loaded with lots and lots of reports in this semester, I must say I would not have enjoyed myself without the bunch I least expected to enjoy myself with, that have been making me look forward to going to school everyday. Everything changed when things started falling into place this sem??? LIKE OMG, ON POINT, MUCH LOVE, OVERLY-ATTACHED. 

Being assigned the First Step! Bazaar was by far the most enjoyable thing ever. And because of how we had so much to do, we practically met almost everyday to complete task, and also to chill and just spending time together. No idea why we chose to do it, but I'm definitely glad we did! The fact that we were mostly strangers, to how close and comfortable we have become, being so open and honest with one another as though we have known each other for years, it is something that is really really really hard to come by. We had so much fun just through the process of the planning for the bazaar, and of course how pleased we were when our hard work paid off :') There's so much to say but I really don't know how to explain. I'm just so so so damn thankful for this whole bazaar shit mainly cause of the friendships we forged and how I felt so comfortable and happy among these people. I wouldn't ask for a better group, I swear. 

Today marks the official end of the whole bazaar project with the final presentation done, and I swear it's kinda sad. Like I enjoyed myself so much, I wish this would last forever T_T I wish we could just continue being group mates for the final semester but meh, specialisations... I don't know, its not like we are no longer gonna be meeting each other/ being friends but I guess I'll just miss all that has been done and enjoyed during the course of the project and I wouldn't wanna have another group D: HAHAHA, I sound so biased but whatever la, I really love this group so much :'( and have I not mentioned how I found GOLD through the GOLD RUSH. I really couldn't and wouldn't ask for more T_T 

Thank you for being the most annoying piece of shit, for being the burden I thought I wouldn't have to deal with HAHAHA I don't know how we came this far, probably course I didn't have much choice but to contact and work with you but HAHA NO REGRETS, thank you for watching out for me, for encouraging me to speak out and to be comfortable with myself. Really am so damn thankful for this bunch, along with Sab. :')

// drea

What's next?

Well, I guess I just decided to start blogging again. HAHAHA.

I have no idea why, but life's getting rather interesting.. 

Basically wasted my early teen years with a guy that wasn't worthy,

Okay, that's the past sooooo moving on!

It wasn't an easy process moving on from that 4 years of being with someone who meant the world to me but nothing to him. Poly life obviously didn't start off very nicely, 4 years being "friend-less" cause my world only surrounded that one guy. Not even my family. Something I really regret a lot, and yeah I mean A LOT. But through the process of moving on, I found true happiness; the friends I had by my side, my family, and my own life. 

>>>> Fast Forward

Few months later, I met this guy. I can never describe how I really felt when I first saw him at this random traffic junction, only to know him as "My friend's friend" HAHA. He wasn't perfect, in fact quite full of flaws (HAHAHA I'm sorry), I don't know why but I started looking up on him. His Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and what not. And what in the world; this guy plays a crazy number of instruments, sing and eh??? HAHA. Ps, I remember replaying Instagram videos of his covers and all that shit, quite creepy I know. But there was just this crazy feeling going on. I have no idea who he is, but like OMG THIS GUY IS COOL *_* I swear I went spazzing over him, trying to get to talk to him even through my friend. LOL. 

And of course, we finally met and spent time together, got to know each other better. Text and hangouts during the holidays. Slowly I guess feelings grew between us? From group outings, to just the both of us. But I feared, I never want to go back to how life was before... I enjoyed myself a lot, it kept things off my mind and he was a pretty sweet guy. But I guess as we got really comfortable with each other, things started changing. 

As of today, I don't know what caused the change, but through the months, the hurt that accumulated. I don't find myself ever so happy, I find myself easily frustrated, annoyed and all else that makes me really unhappy, or should I say us? What exactly is happening? Can I have an answer? I mean like, I get upset so easily. 

Why does everything I say fall on deaf ears? When will action be put in place? When will things improve? Would things go back to how it was when we first met? Simple promises and delivery of words. Where are they?

I have so many questions on my mind, but I can't teach anyone to love me, they will have to do it themselves with their own realisation. I feel damn exhausted, but what else can I do?

// drea